Word has it that Southpaw wants out and has phoned Ribbie and Roobarb in witness protection and is seeking mascot asylum. The 2024 White Sox are far worse than their 3-17 indicates, and three local sportswriters have taken to finally talking about it. The guy charged with covering the team on a daily basis wrote about the worst starts in Chicago sports history. His aim (I guess) was to provide some hope for the team and their exhausted fans. A couple of the teams fared better over the rest of the season(s).

The paper’s two columnists offered more honest appraisals-suggesting the Sox would be better off flunking the test. For this team to be noteworthy, they have to continue to stink on toast and not show signs of life at all. One of the two said they should strive to lose 123 games as there have been a slew of horrible teams over the years that all seem to blend together.

It’s gotten so bad that everyone says that Spencer Turnbull and Zack Wheeler have flirted with no-hitters the past two nights. In reality, the pair of Phillies starters, have danced with no-hitters and bought them malts at the soda shop. It was so bad Friday night that the Sox newest broadcaster took credit for breaking up Turnbull’s bid. This wasn’t Jimmy Qualls breaking up Seaver’s bid a half century ago.

While the two columnists believed their attempts at humor will offer solace to grieving Sox fans, they both forgot that the players aren’t laughing and don’t want to be part of something historically God-awful.

Andy the Clown isn’t laughing and that’s sad.